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Today I found a pearl inside a shelfish I ate.

391 comments
94% Upvoted
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level 1

Make it a ring for your fiance and then when she asks you where it came from you say: ‘From inside my mouth’

level 2

Nah, he’s going to keep it because he’s shellfish.

level 3
423 points · 24 days ago

I didn't sea that one coming

level 4

level 5

Are you shore?

3 more replies

level 5

good bot

level 6

Are you sure about that? Because I am 61.06342% sure that GoodPunCutoffLine is not a bot.


I am a neural network being trained to detect spammers | Summon me with !isbot <username> | /r/spambotdetector | Optout | Original Github

level 7
50 points · 24 days ago

I mean 60% isn't very sure...

level 8

that's actually the lowest ive ever seen by thar bot.

level 9

If you look at u/GoodPunCutoffLine's comment history, a good portion of them are just those lines, but there are normal Reddit comments too. The writer of the bot is using it as their own account as well, so that's why u/WhyNotCollegeBoard is so unsure.

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level 7
level 8

Good bot

level 9

Are you sure about that? Because I am 99.99999% sure that fleshgod_alpacalypse is not a bot.


I am a neural network being trained to detect spammers | Summon me with !isbot <username> | /r/spambotdetector | Optout | Original Github

level 10

I actually am

Bleep bloop

1 more reply

level 4
101 points · 24 days ago

He just said it for the Halibut.

level 5
68 points · 24 days ago

How much did he shell out for it??

level 6

At least a couple hundred, maybe even a thou sand dollars.

level 7

She'd go pail hearing about the cost.

level 8

Well, with that much bass, you're bound to lose your herring.

level 9

Oh I trout that very much.

level 10

Oh, for Cod's sake! Could you guys cut it out now

level 10

I flounder the thought that some people hate these pun threads.

level 10

Oh Cod! Is that a real pearl?

1 more reply

level 6

About 59 clams

level 5

Fuck Mike Trout

level 6

MIKE TROUT'S A STUPID FISH.

level 5

We mermaid for each other.

2 more replies

level 4

Don't worry shell love it

level 4

I think they were fishing for puns

level 4

I sea what you did there

level 5

Whale whale whale... So many puns...

level 6

Fish puns? In this sub? Nautilus you want to get disappointed by my puns.

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level 3

thats terrible, TED

level 3
4 points · 24 days ago

Classic schmosby

level 3

oh god

level 4

I think you mean "Oh Neptune"

level 5

I think you mean "Oh Poseiden"

The one, TRUE sea god.

level 3
2 points · 24 days ago

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level 2
29 points · 24 days ago

He said he found it in the shell fish he "ate" so saying it came from his mouth would not be accurate.

" honey this is for you, it came out of my ass"

level 2

Tell her it came from an oyster you ate. Imply that you might have swallowed and then pooped it. Chicks love that sort of thing, nothing shows commitment like digging through your own shit.

level 2
2 points · 24 days ago

And then follow up with “Speaking of ‘coming’ and ‘inside mouths’...”

level 2

I hope people realise that pearls are essentially clam blisters..

14 more replies

level 1
1.2k points · 24 days ago

Holy shit that's cool!

Almost all the pearls sold commercially these days are cultured, rather than natural. You have a unique and rare find there OP! I'd definitely turn it into something cool that you can keep on your person. Make it into a fun story.

level 2
Original Poster8 points · 24 days ago

Thanks! Maybe I will turn it into something cool.

level 3

Also, natural pearls are usually all kinds of funky shapes. A spherical natural pearl is extraordinarily rare and possibly rather valuable.

level 4
Original Poster11 points · 24 days ago

It's not spherical, it's flat on the bottom.

level 5

Close enough, set it in a ring. Never know the difference 😀

level 3

Just don't make it into a ring if you want it to last. Natural pearls can be even more delicate than cultured ones, so you don't want to crack in against a hard surface and have your cool find cracked apart.

level 2
88 points · 24 days ago · edited 24 days ago

You saying “keep it on your person” reminds me of a voice line between hanzo and junkerguy from overwatch. (Sorry I forgot junkerboys name).

Hanzo: “were did you put your treasure? You could barely keep it on your person!”

Junkperson: “sure, I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

Edit: junkerboys name is junkrat, I don’t know how I can forget something like that. I won’t change the names because junkerboy sounds better.

level 3

Junkrat.

level 4

Street-rat.

level 5
11 points · 24 days ago

Trash-Rodent

level 6

I don't... mind that.

level 7

If only they'd look closer.

2 more replies

level 5
3 points · 24 days ago

🎶i don't buy that

if only they'd look closerrrrrr!

level 6

The original song "Arabian Nights" had to be changed, after the film had already been released in cinemas because it was deemed insensitive.

Oh I come from a land, from a faraway place

Where the caravan camels roam

Where they cut off your ear

If they don't like your face

It's barbaric, but hey, it's home

became

Oh I come from a land, from a faraway place

Where the caravan camels roam

Where it's flat and immense

And the heat is intense

It's barbaric, but hey, it's home

Sorry but I learned this fact the other week and never had half an opportunity to tell it until now!

1 more reply

level 5
2 points · 24 days ago

I don’t buy that.

level 4

Thank you!

level 3

I have no idea what the joke is supposed to be.

level 4

I don’t even know why that comment exists. Literally the only relevance is the phrase “keep it on your person,” which isn’t exactly new.

level 5

It doesn't even make sense, does it?

Asking "where did you put it?" and responding with "sure" doesn't make any sense to me.

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level 2

Can you explain the difference between cultured and natural in your comment?

I'm under the impression that most of the shellfish we eat is farmed and not fished in the traditional sense, so wouldn't this mean this pearl was also cultured?

I also thought that pearls are common in shellfish found in the natural environment because it's basically the result of sand or other foreign debris being caught inside. I imagine the process to farm shellfish for food tries to reduce/eliminate foreign objects that could cause pearls, but is impossible to eliminate.

level 3

Most if not nearly all commercially sold pearls are cultured- a specific variety of black lipped or gold lipped Mollusk is impregnated with a glass or stone bead that has been spliced with a piece of donor-mollusk mantle. The pearl culturer will then basically perform surgery on the mollusk, prying the shell open and slicing in to the gonad of the mollusk.

The reason they're rather rare in the wild is that the sand or grit has to not just enter the mollusk, but enter the right kind of mollusk and find it's way into the correct organ and get stuck there to actually end up coated in nacre (the shiny pearl stuff). And even then, forming a pearl of the one OP has here takes YEARS. Cultured pearls on the market only have a few nanometers of nacre on the bead. 80% or more of the pearls size is just a glass, plastic, or metal bead. And even if all the right conditions are met, someone still has to go and find the pearl! So, as a GG in training and a bench jeweler, this is pretty darn cool.

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level 1
703 points · 24 days ago

"WAITER! There's a pearl in my...uh nevermind"

level 2
80 points · 24 days ago

WAITER. There's a fly in my pearl

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level 1
129 points · 24 days ago

one time my mom found a tiny pearl in an oyster she was eating and she gave it to me. brought it to show and tell and none of the kids were impressed. teacher thought it was my tooth. :/

level 2

ingrates >:(

level 2

they must have been them swines

level 2
13 points · 24 days ago

"You can't fool me, child. That spherical, pearlescent object is blatantly a tooth!"

level 2

Reminds me of when I brought a piece of quartz crystal to show and tell and the teacher thought I had brought a piece of ice and had been wondering why it didn't melt...

level 1

So is a discovery like this actually worth something or is it more just a cool keepsake?

level 2
251 points · 24 days ago

As a completely natural saltwater pearl, it is a novelty in the modern world. Probably worth something.

level 3

That first sentence is some real poetry, friend. I like that a whole lot.

level 4
76 points · 24 days ago

☆゚.*・。゚━ヽʕᵔ_ᵔʔノ

level 4
16 points · 24 days ago

It really rolls off the tongue, huh..

1 more reply

level 2

Depends on the size/shape/lustre etc. A decently sized round pearl found in a wild oyster could be worth something, especially to collectors. I know conch pearls, when they turn up, can be very expensive (AFAIK conch pearls are not/cannot be cultivated).

Example: https://kojimapearl.com/collections/loose-pearls/products/natural-wild-conch-pearl-2

level 2
27 points · 24 days ago

Ffs, I hate to be a downer, but there are so many "pearls" in wild oysters and mussels around here that the crunch and spit has spawned an industry of cultivated ones.

Edit: seafood, not pearls.

level 2

No a gemerologist or anything but I'd guess not much. Source: pricing pearls on the interbutts

level 3

Gemerologist?!!

level 4

He didn't say he was a languageologist either.

level 4

Or gemeronomy, whatever you want to call it

level 5

Isn't that the guy who likes to jump off high places?

level 6

No, no. It's the place that uses your spit to prove your grandma was sleeping around.

level 2

Natural pearls also need to be examined for how well matched they are in size, color, and roundness. Your typical baby-sized strand of natural pearls could be valued as little as $300 or as high as $1,500.

level 1

in a shellfish I ate

Since no one has asked, was this a toilet discovery?

level 2
Original Poster468 points · 24 days ago

Haha no

level 4
124 points · 24 days ago

Stop

level 5

I hate sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere.

level 6
29 points · 24 days ago

Stop

level 7

No. In fact, just for you, here's something far worse.

level 8

Continue

level 9
20 points · 24 days ago · edited 24 days ago

I feel like this is some sort of reverse psychology shit to get me to stop posting. But at the same time I kinda don't feel like it anymore.

Edit: but here's the webcomic if you want more. You surely figured this out by now, but it's 99% NSFW.

level 10

Eh at some point there such a thing as “too much oglaf”

level 8

Spider suck, spider suck, does whatever a spider suck does.

level 8

I love oglaf's work.

level 8
2 points · 24 days ago

....huh

level 4

How do I delete someone else's life

level 6

Non-Mobile link: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder


HelperBot v1.1 /r/HelperBot_ I am a bot. Please message /u/swim1929 with any feedback and/or hate. Counter: 214003

level 7

Good bot

5 more replies

level 4
17 points · 24 days ago

Man, Oglaf is so good.

level 4
11 points · 24 days ago

Good I will save this for later

level 4

OLGAF!

level 4

lol wtf

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level 2

If you harvest and eat wild oysters and eat em a lot you can find them pretty commonly, though not usually this nice.

Great find OP!

level 3
28 points · 24 days ago

Being able to harvest wild oysters sounds like the dream life. Also, whats your favorite race and don't fucking say Terran.

level 4
45 points · 24 days ago

Terran you a new butthole

level 5
25 points · 24 days ago

Im about to construct additional downvotes on you, pal.

level 5

It’s super cool to find but a lot less cool as when you chomp down on one and almost crack a tooth

1 more reply

level 4

Protoss master race my friend. Adun Toridas!

level 5
2 points · 24 days ago

Good, good. En taro Tassadar, homie

level 5

For the swarm!

1 more reply

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level 1
99 points · 24 days ago
level 2

Bah, I fell for it. Take my upvote.

level 3

I think someone JUST made it into a sub lol

level 3
level 2

Did you just create that sub?

level 1

Only 60 more, and you got yourself a necklace!

level 2

Actually you would need about 200 just to find 60 that match closely enough for a necklace.

level 3

I mean assuming you care if they match. I kind of like randomized blister pearls in a collar and/or earring form.

level 3

Agreed, symmetry would matter to me, I have a genuine antique pearl necklace, and I appreciate that while they’re not all perfect, they are relatively the same shape, colour, and size.

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level 1

Reminds me if the time my brother found some buckshot in his thanksgiving turkey.

level 2

That’ll hurt

level 2

Heard more than one story of broken teeth no thanks

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level 1

Are your teeth okay?

level 2

Pearls are extremely soft

level 3

Good to know:)

level 4

Good reason to not put them in an engagement ring etc

Very fragile

level 1

Great. Today I found blood inside my shit.

level 2

Welcome to r/ulcerativecolitis ! It’s a shitty life

level 4
Original Poster10 points · 24 days ago

Jesus christ what am I reading haha

level 4

good bot

level 2

Have you tried chipotlaway?

level 1

Did you have bacon after?

level 2

I don’t get it...

level 3
124 points · 24 days ago

"Pearls before swine."

level 4

I still don't get it

level 3

"Pearls before swine". Took me a sec.

level 4

Used to be a great comic, now its "fair".

He's gone too far off into pun world, I miss "Hello Zeeba Neighba"

level 5

Oh Cey can you see by the don's Hurley light?

level 2

Oh no

level 2

I get it.

level 3
level 2

Well played, have my upvote.

level 1

Looks like a mini pearl.

level 2

Are you sure? I don't see tags on its hat.

level 3

I got it....take your upvote

1 more reply

level 1

Fun fact: pearls are a shellfishes way of containing a parasitic worm infection!

Science ruins everything!

level 2

I thought pearls were caused by a shellfish getting a grain of sand stuck under its foot. It's covered covered in layer upon layer of a material called nacre which is what gives pearls their resilient and iridescent properties

level 3

It could be a parasite, sand, shell chunk, really anything that could cause irritation.

level 4

Yeah I admit I went for parasitic worms for effect

level 5
23 points · 24 days ago

So you're saying the core of natural pearls could be a parasite? Groovay...

level 6

Yeah, that's kind of metal

level 4
11 points · 24 days ago

My wife is good at causing irritation

level 3

Can be any irritant

Source: Am irritating

level 3

Nah Pumba, they’re fireflies. They’re fireflies that got stuck up on that big bluish-black thing up there

level 3

I've always wondered, wouldn't making the thing larger by coating it with nacre only make it more irritating to the shellfish?

level 4

Well shellfish aren't really known for their intelligence so.

1 more reply

level 1

Make jelly out of it. Or can you only make jam?

level 2

Even flooooowwooowo

1 more reply

level 1
32 points · 24 days ago

I didn't think edible shellfish made pearls?

level 2

Oysters make pearls. Clams technically do as well, it's just only about one in twelve thousand or so. I personally do not consider oysters edible, but apparently a number of people do.

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level 1

Did that come out of an oyster or a clam? If that came out of a clam that would be a quahog Pearl and would be worth a lot of money.

level 2
Original Poster9 points · 24 days ago

So, I'm finding difficult to translate it from portuguese (me, the pearl and the fish that I ate are brazilians), but I'm thinking it's a clam or maybe a mussel. We call it here "marisco".

level 3

Google seems to come up with a bunch of pictures of mussels when you type in "marisco+Brazil" 👍

level 3

mussel - clam - oyster here are links to some options, hope it helps!

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level 2

If it came out of a quahog it would be. Other clams can produce pearls as well.

level 1

All I find a tiny crabs in mine

level 1

Crush it up and put it in your wine!

level 2

Basic bitches buy champagne, Cleopatras make their own.

level 3

Living in 3018

level 1

"It's not a tumor!"

level 1

I have that same design on my bed

level 1

Every time dad would make oysters I'd hope and pray for a pearl. The old man didn't have the heart to tell me that they were farmed and unlikely to have one.

level 1

Swallow it and produce more?

level 1

Lucky!!!

level 1

Take care of this find.

level 1

And you just kept it? That's shellfish.

level 1

Pearls start from a grain of sand. now with all the plastic in the ocean now maybe creating them. Unknown if true. but could it happen? Nice find.

level 1

Did you keep it? Very shellfish of you

level 1

I hope you share it. You better not be...shellfish

level 1
2 points · 24 days ago

I found one fried.

level 1

When I eat too much dirt, I get stuff in my throat.

level 2

"I've been making fine jewelery for years... Apparently"

level 1

what a beautiful tablecloth!

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level 1

Are pearls just shellfish kidney stones?

level 1

OMG my mum has that tablecloth..

btw, nice pearl

level 1

If cartoons have taught me anything, you're rich! Congratulations!

level 1

You went dangerously close to r/tifu

level 1

Put it on a ring, then put that ring on it.

1 more reply

level 1

Looks a lot like the one my wife found a couple months ago that I had made into a necklace. Check out my post, she loves it!

1 more reply

level 1

That's not a pearl. That's buckshot that is left over from whoever was hunting the oyster in the wild.

1 more reply

level 1

At least it wasn’t a needle inside a strawberry... you know... that’s what is happening down here in Australia... THE MISERY

level 2
Original Poster4 points · 24 days ago

What?

level 3

I don’t even know why, but people are putting needles in random pieces of fruit

1 more reply

level 1

I find this often while cleaning squid at my restaurant. They are tiny though. Idk the size of this one, still neat.

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